writer's blog

I got off me axis and posted an entry

2008-02-16T01:57:14Z

Coming soon...me actually reading me friends Journals!

Where are we?

Huldis?

I wish I were at Glastonbury...

2007-06-23T17:04:54Z

...said the Ageing Hippy.

I suppose distance lends enchantment to the view. I don't suppose I would like the crowds and the mud. But there are so many other things.

We can't afford it anyway and I don't know that Pod would cope with the lack of sanitary arrangements.

Womad weekend I am going away with Tim and Gillian (yay!) and Buddha Field only sells weekend tickets, so I think maybe no festivals for us again this year.

On the other hand, Gillian, Tim and I are going to Wells, which should be fun. It will be after Gillian gets back from Vancouver and comes down to Bath. It will be over a year since I have seen either of them. On the other hand, I do speak to Gillian most weeks - it's Tim who is hard to keep in touch with.

Doll news: All being well, I am buying a nude Masher from someone. I have paid them the bulk of the money already. The last few weeks have caused me to do some serious thinking. I'm very grateful for all the support I've had from friends. The re-appearance of the Bupster cheered me enormously.

Annat has a body

2007-05-21T18:06:17Z

I am so much happier now. I got a replacement pureskin body for Annat from Fanny on Den of Angels. The body arrived today, so as soon as we got back from our walk, I hastened to pop Annat's head on top.

I didn't realise, but the body, which came from SD Mimi, has the H-02 spread hands, which were what I wanted all along. I put Annat into an outfit from Kasiotfur (which is really for SD13, but never mind) and a wig from Bibish. She looks good, though I am not sure about the dark brown glass eyes she is currently wearing.

I'll have to pop some photos up...anyway the sequel is that there are now THREE dolls, one head and one body. So things have improved. The head (Hedy) won't get a body until the twigLIMBS are done, which is something that I am looking forward to tremendously. From the photos I have seen, I definitely feel it is worth the wait.

Other doll machinations: a whiteskin Soom Gena head for my SD13 body, which I am not sure about, and a Minimee head from dechanique (which will need a body). These arrangements are quite fluid...I do not yet know whether I will keep the Soom Gena head when I get it. I am very excited about the Minimee head, but dechanique has got her finals, poor soul, so there will be a bit of a wait there.

Note for purists: the Anais in the avatar is the wrong one XD. My Anais is no. 1, with a different default wig etcetera. Yeah.

a request...

2007-05-20T01:10:49Z

Sometimes, I really wish I still had Sasha - the actual limited Sasha, that is.

I just sold my F16 BW head to someone on DoA, and now I'm advertising for another one. The trouble is, for various reasons I have always been such a restless doll owner (Revolving Doll Association).

I suppose the other idea at the back of my mind is a quest for an FCS-type boy - maybe with the new F-28 head.

Anyway, if anyone knows of...or comes across...any snow-skin F16 heads knocking around...please let me know.

a tale of woe^^

2007-05-17T20:39:49Z

Williams was feeling rather sad...

Suddenly there didn't seem to be many dolls around any more...

Apart from him and Febe, all he could see were heads...

Bodies...

And legs. What was going on?

Not even Monica seemed to know the answer, and she was new...

But also naked, hairless and for sale...

To be continued...(ok, that's quite enough elipses, thank you)

apols for the previous post and ramblings about Worldcon in Japan...

2007-01-18T17:58:00Z

I am a silly bean...

I feel rather ashamed of my post yesterday. For some reason, when I'm in a low mood, I tend to get online and get all blurty. I suppose the fact is, I'm seeking reassurance. But somehow this only works temporarily, until the next time, when I need further reassurance...

My period arrived yesterday after nearly 2 weeks of PMS. So I was enormously relieved when it did arrive, felt tons better and then whoops! a spot of the old low-flying depression homed in, and yes, blurt, out it all poured.

For which apologies and thanks for the kind words, which did make me feel a whole lot better.

I've got to do the write fantastic blog tomorrow and am hoping that I will be struck by inspiration. Despite me having resigned (somewhat) I will be doing some gigs - the main drawback is severe skintness which means we can't afford to travel all that far afield.

However...Worldcon is in Japan this year. Oh God, I'd so love to go to Japan! The Con is in Yokohama and I'm not sure if there is any BJD stuff down there. But I've just got visions of visiting Tenshi no Sato. It's quite nice to dream about it, but it is a very long shot. My sister (Sarah) is very heavily into manga, I'm crazy about Studio Ghibli and Kurosawa (hm, strange juxtaposition). And I could go to Volks and order my own FCS...oops, only another $1000 on top of everything else! LOL

(exit, pursued by a flying pig)^^

not very cheerful

2007-01-17T21:26:35Z

Just some stuff...

I went and looked at people's LJs and felt a bit low. It's really hard to keep up - not just posting your own but reading your friends. I've got MySpace now, and have to keep up with that too...

I've got two 'bugs'. One is where I think someone is ignoring me (insert rational thought here). The other is just people...someone...where I feel sad because we've drifted out of touch. And again, I just felt really low - you know, these things pile up in your mind, Stephen calls it a 'list'. He just says, look people have got busy lives, not everyone else spends all their time glued to the computer...

And I should be writing. I have got to do lots more this year. There's much less excuse. The trouble is, I keep feeling so knackered (like now). I'm looking at my friends posts and then LJ takes so long to load and I'm really tired - and all I want to do is say a few words, yoohoo I did read your post.

I'm not going to go on about it.

Yudaaaaargh!

2007-01-17T20:41:30Z

I got this doll from Cenarius on DoA. First shots of him in the nudie with otokke and Pomme. He's my new Yuda...

pirates of the carob bean?

2007-01-09T18:50:21Z

Ok. It's the New Year.

Usual situation; I am way behind on MySpace and LJ.

I am feeling depressed, for the most mundane of reasons. But the good news is that Yuda, who was on his way from Italy and disappeared for nearly two weeks, has finally reappeared.

Yuda? Not the character in my novel, but the doll who will hopefully be him (sort of).

Stephen has to work on the UK Weatherworld newsletter, and hopefully there should be some time for me to work too. I did get some writing done in the run up to Christmas. But I need a more regular rhythm of working, not short bursts every few weeks or so.

doll_paparazzi has sold me this fantastic Volks jumpsuit for Yuda, which I am waiting to arrive (the post is completely up the pictures at the moment). And the other great news is that my friend Vic (yay, Vic!) has got Williams for me.

Yes, if all goes well, Williams and Yuda may have a piratical slash thing going on (and I don't mean with a cutlass!)

I am dying to write a pirate book since seeing...yeah you got it - Pirates of the Carob Bean! I mean, fantasy pirates? Like, duh! LOL

And in other news...our wedding photographer came through with the photos! Yay! I may post some on here for a laff. Debbie Miller sent us some *brilliant* ones and right now I'm blowed if I can remember what her LJ ID is (wibble)

Meanwhile, have to crack on with Malarat, which I currently want to rename Starlight Express (no property in a title, whoops, get my ass sued by Andrew Lloyd Webber). I think I may have solved the principal villain problem, have now got two villains and I like them both. NB for doll friends, Williams is a dead-ringer for Villain # 1, Valdes de Siccaria (no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!)

phew...

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T17:20:20Z

With love from Jessica and the Pod. We aint'nt dead. And we aint'nt smoking either...

The Quitters Journal^^

2006-11-30T18:36:19Z

I've just done me writefantastic blog du jour. Which was about giving up smoking. We have just managed a complete week with no ciggies.

I have to say, it has been pretty dire. LOL I don't want to moan on about it, as we have had nicotine replacement therapy and lots of support from all kinds of people. It's really that all the stuff that was bugging you already pops up again and hits you smartly on the nose, like a rake in the grass.

Feeling insecure about your writing career? BAM!

Anxious about your friendships and professional relationships? SPLAT!

What you realise is that the ciggies didn't make you feel any better. But they were a kind of crutch that helped see you through the difficult bits.

So yes, you do feel better in many ways, but life can still be sodden awful and difficult to deal with.

Ok, you knew that.

I always forget this and think that people are disapproving of ME and preoccupied with ME when in fact everyone has to deal with their own shit (in the broadest sense). So what I say and do probably impinges to an infinitesimal degree and may cause no more than a brief irritation (damn, it's that pesky Jessica again). Like, quite a lot of people seem to be ill right now?

(wanders off vaguely...)

Reading in the bath

2006-11-25T16:51:44Z

Currently reading Them: adventures with extremists by Jon Ronson.

In the bath.

The Stop Smoking Campaign (or is that just pain?)
Oh Gawd. This is absolutely bloody awful.

Well, yesterday wasn't too bad, though Stephen got sick in the morning due to overdose of nicotine.

At the moment, both of us are just dying for a fag. It would just be so good. Light up - inhale - breath.

If you have not smoked, you have never known this pleasure.

Of course, when you're on 40 a day (as we were) you're probably not getting it 99% of the time. And ok, everything smells like shit. When you look at the stuff that adheres to the walls, it occurs to you: Jesus, that's what it looks like inside my lungs.

I think I'm going to do some cleaning. I can't face the washing at the moment. Which is silly, because it really isn't difficult with a washing machine AND a tumble drier.

I must clean. I must scrub, polish and inhale ionic surfactants.

stop smoking: Day 0

2006-11-23T21:43:27Z

We stopped today. Haven't smoked since about 10am this morning.

Keep thinking - must have a fag - and then remember I can't.

Happy Thanksgiving to those as celebrates it!

Jessica and Stephen give up smoking

2006-11-22T23:18:06Z

Tomorrow.

We've got the patches and the inhalers and the lozenges.

Lots of sugar-free gum.

We saw the pharmacist today and we have another appointment in a week's time.

Help!

the loneliness of the long-distance idiot

2006-11-20T00:55:47Z

I oughtn't to be writing this.

I just did my post too the Write Fantastic. But there was so much I didn't say. I don't want to let the side down. I really like my fellow TWF members. I know some of them better than others, but they are a decent bunch and really friendly.

It's my editor. I feel betrayed. From 2003-2006 trying to produce something that pleased him. I wasted three years! And now here I am with no publisher, two books out of print and too depressed to write because of the situation living with my parents.

It's either the depression or the bloody pills they've given me. I can't concentrate. I find it really hard to read anything except the newspaper and really hard to write. There's no time.

Ok, I know. There's no pleasing some people. I'm married, and I never thought that would happen. But I need to be alone to write. Only I don't want to be alone. I want to be with Stephen, not off in some fantasy world.

But I miss my fantasy world. I miss my people.

otokke, thorsten...and nino

2006-10-31T19:42:23Z

What do you call someone who arrives on 31st October?

otokke and Thorsten have been waiting patiently for her to arrive.

Ottokke: what are you holding, Thorsten?

Thorsten: It's a netsuke. I'm saving it for someone.

Otokke: Are you keeping it for the new Unoa?

Thorsten: Yes. I hope she'll be here soon.

Otokke (thinks): I hope she doesn't take you away, Thorsten...

(to be ctd)

The new girl's name is Nino, but I don't think they've met her yet...

thank you^^

2006-10-22T22:15:08Z

Hello again,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied to my last post^^

I am feeling much better now, and your words and thoughts really helped. What also helped was getting a bit of writing done in manuscript - nothing very grand, just some dialogue. I also got a lot of very helpful replies to my post on writefantastic about specific narrative problems, as well as some recommendations of good books to read!

So I'm thinking about things a lot less negatively. At the moment! And in some ways, the writer's group you recommended, Mercy, was right there on line! Everyone has a different perspective and there were some really good ideas that helped me to think about my villain.

I'm going to get some professional help next week (I hope). Some of the problems aren't going to go away, but I think it's also to do with how one looks at them. Like, we've got no money but it's not the end of the world, we may not be able to go to restaurants but our local chippy does spiffing fish and chips.

And for all you British Whovies - I watched Torchwood tonight, and it was pretty ace! Now I really want to visit Cardiff :D There is nothing more heartening than watching really good British Fantasy/Sci-fi - like Dr Who with sex, violence and rude words! Ok, I think they need to play in a bit, and some of the acting is a bit ropey (it ain't Buffy) but then let's face it, Buffy had David Boreanaz who did little but looked pained and hunky a lot.

dispatches from the Bath Tube

2006-10-19T13:57:59Z

I swore I wouldn't do any more depresso posts and here it is - another depresso post!

I'm making this public so Vic can read it (waves at Vic). So I put it under a cut because otherwise it would be like, "oh yawn, Jessica's depressed again!"

I think this may be seasonal affective disorder because the months before my birthday have always been kind of bad ones. The nitty gritty is that I keep bursting into tears, including in Milsom Street (mind you, in some circumstances Milsom Street is enough to make ANYONE burst into tears - usually big butch lorry drivers).

There are circumstantial things as well. It's taking a long time to get the house sorted out. Dad has finally decided that we need to get an electrician in, but the whole thing is moving vaster than empires and more slow. Stephen put down a ceramic tile floor, which promptly decided to crack. Oh, and the bed broke again (stop laughing in the back there!).

I have started to sell stuff on eBay. This is number one to clear space and number two to make a bit of extra cash. The snag with this approach is that I get incredibly anxious about the packing and posting aspect because I have a deep sense of obligation to the buyers, and am always afraid that they will be dissatisfied and leave me a negative feedback. So it's all rather fraught and takes up a lot of time and energy...

And there doesn't seem to be time to write. Stephen and I are still sharing the computer because we only have the one internet connection. We need either a router or a network to get us both online. So it's hard to find time to do the writing. I had a go on Monday morning, and produced one sentence.

I am profoundly depressed about the whole thing. I have not really recovered from the business with Tim Holman, my former editor. I feel completely rejected. I have no alternative but to finish the book I am working on, but am continuously assailed by doubts as to whether any other editor will want to publish it. Caspian, my agent, talks confidently, but the beginning and end of it all is that I need to write the book!

And everything that I become involved in seems to conspire to remind me that my last book was published in 2002...both books are out of print now, except in Germany. Everyone else I know has some sort of contract. In my heart of hearts, I keep wondering whether TWF will keep me on, or whether they'll see me as a liability. And every time I go to a gig, or contemplate doing one, these thoughts keep recurring.

Ok, these are negative thoughts. One needs to write them down and balance them with rational thoughts. There are just so many of the buggers at the moment!

I think other people who have more positive attitudes forget that we are living with my elderly parents. Mother's got dementia (not mad but her short-term memory's gone) and Dad is just rather tending to crumble at the edges. And apart from Stephen, I feel rather unsupported - by agencies, others, even my parents who have frustrated any attempts to get in outside help!

I suppose this is by way of an apology/explanation for me not posting for so long, let alone reading other people's blogs. I miss people. Stephen's got UKWeatherworld, but Den of Angels isn't really a place to socialise any more. Den of Demons is really for uber-bitches. And MySpace...well I've met one really nice person on MySpace but it is just WEIRD. Aspirant writers keep inviting me to their podcasts. LOL

I've got to do the write fantastic LJ post tomorrow. I'm praying for inspiration. I really can't stick this sort of thing on there. One has to accentuate the positive, but right now, my head is empty. And I'm not feeling positive.

Wish me luck! XD

running to stay in the same place pant pant

2006-09-10T21:29:45Z

I am really sorry - I'm very behind with replying to things again. We have been installing a new broadband connection this weekend (which worked surprisingly well) and then everything else went rather pear-shaped, as life has a habit of doing from time to time.

Now we're in recovery mode - S is doing the Observer cryptic crossword and I'm on the internet (hi!). I've just changed my email address as well (oh goodie) with all that that entails.

The excellent news is that I've had an email from my travelling nephew in Bolivia. I never did South America in my youth, but as a person with no progeny, it's very cheering to have a nephew who likes doing the same things I did! He and his girlfriend started in the States and then headed south...and sent us an Oaxaca blanket as a wedding pressie!

This is a shortie, so I won't put in an LJ cut. Must take more doll photos. Emma now has a body and a really eye-piercing yellow tracksuit (ouch!). Yuki is being traded, despite his new face-up being much better. I am still waiting for his head to come back from Spain. Have sold Miso to...you know who you are! ;) And have got a Souldoll Paris on layaway. The Yuki trade is a part-trade for a Unoa B-el and I am VERY excited! I think I may get a Classic Narae for him with a Custom face-up. I think the main prob with my original Narae was that, though beautiful, she had the default face-up (VERY basic) and NO eyelashes!

Also...whisper it...I am a secret admirer of Naomi and Grim. Somehow the petite girl with the large yet gentle boyfriend is very touching. Aw. I'm an old romantic sucker. LOL

I hate Orange!

2006-09-03T21:10:32Z

I'm horribly behind with reading my friends again. We have been completely UP the pictures internet-wise since Thursday. Since then, Pod has been trying every anti-virus and anti-spyware under the sun. I rang Orange, our ISP, about six times altogether and kept getting fobbed off. Finally, they swore it must be my PC.

We found a Trojan and removed it (get lost, Aeneas!) and even so the same thing keeps happening, viz: we connect to the internet with an alleged speed of 3 Mbps or whatever and...we can only get email, Google and Orange's own site. This is the unkindest cut of all, to quote the Bard. Most other sites just won't download.

Finally, we talked to Pod's friend Ashley who is an IT whizz, and he tells us (guess what?) Orange are oversubsribed and they don't have the bandwidth for all their users. They have been flogging their Livebox and all us wretched b*ggers with a USB modem are consigned to the dustbin (or oubliette) of history.

As for Talk Talk, who were supposed to be signing us up for "Free broadband...forever" in August...gngngngngngngn...

reflection on the weekend

2006-08-27T13:11:29Z

I wish, how I wish, that we had gone to Peter's wedding. I've known him since 1979 and he is one of my closest friends, though it has always been a rather spikey relationship. But I would have loved to see him getting hitched to Francois.

I think Pod really wanted to go too, but he was so ill on Friday. I'm not saying I wasn't anxious about the trip. We had to take the train to Waterloo, not Paddington, which is a grimly journey and takes for ever. My natural instinct is to say at home, so it is always an effort to go somewhere - but I almost never regret it when I do.

So I made the decision that we should stay at home. I believe it was the right decision, but I am disappointed...having missed an opportunity to see all my friends (as well as the more unnerving prospect of meeting Peter and Francois's respective relatives).

What rather worries me is whether the same thing will happen again. I don't think it will, because Pod had virtually had the flu all week, and I think it left him vulnerable. And I think he would have tried to go, if I had insisted. But I'm not sure that would have been a kind or sensible thing to do.

technorati profile

2006-08-26T17:27:43Z

Technorati Profile

Yukinojo problem

2006-08-25T22:36:42Z

I've got a problem. I sent Yukinojo's head away to a face-up artist, asking her to give him a similar face-up to one she had for sale on eBay.

The trouble is that she's done a very good job, but I don't like the result. And I feel really bad because she has just split up with her boyfriend.

I've told her that the face-up is good, but that I don't really like it. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I put up a feeler on DoA about selling Yukinojo, but I'm not sure.

I'll put the photos she sent me under the cut.

new update to my web site

2006-08-22T14:43:22Z

I have updated my site, shamansland, getting rid of the extraneous index page

There are new photos on the "photo gallery" page, and I have added a new extract from my WIP, Malarat - the Prologue.

Happy Birthday Vicki!

2006-08-20T22:41:45Z